Brain Damage
by Morphine Dementia
Summary: Kanda doesn't bother to treat those closest to him nicely, while Lavi's unconditional love for him seems to be another form of the same madness. LaviYu, Yuvi, KandaLavi, yaoi, violence, angst.


**AN: **Just because uke!Lavi is severely underrated, and a thought of psycho!Kanda randomly hit me on the same long, boring vacation that you already heard of...now several times... For those who wanted to see me write more...spicy things, THIS is as close to a lemon as I get. That's it. Sorry if I'm a disappointment, but I prefer the more descreet way of description.

Hehehe... (insane giggling) No, seriously, I do know that Kanda wouldn't treat Lavi like this...(probably...) ...but all those crazy fanfics that make Kanda some weak over-sensitive sniffling ukey evil-clone of himself demands a counter-attack. And I shall try to still keep the characters as IC as I can. :3 After all, I like a little bit of insanity, in, say, artwork. Like Dali.

Random Fact you didn't need: the hallway scene is written with my dad sitting and reading DGM vol.4 two meters away from me. I have no idea how I managed to do that and not give out. xD

**About:** Lavi loves Kanda, even when the point of sanity is exceeded. ( Also, this could be read as a sequel of 'Poison', but not necessarily (I didn't plan it that way). )

**Pairing: **Kanda x Lavi.

**Warnings:** Angst, some violence, yaoi (slash), sexual themes, foul Yu's vocabulary, etc.

**Disclaimer:** -Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino. The song title belongs to Pink Floyd.

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_**BRAIN DAMAGE**_

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Kanda Yu is the scourge of the Black Order's HQ. Even though he's extremely valuable as an Exorcist, the trouble he often causes makes the people he considers lesser than himself wonder if it's worth keeping him around. The authorities, however, seem to think otherwise - the Japanese is one of the best Exorcists there is, and they are sure he should get the best treatment possible. And so everyone puts up with his outbursts, which, by the way, tend to get only more occasional, irrational and violent as the time passes.

::

However, there was one person in the Order that put up with it without any trouble. The one closest to Kanda, or at least supposed to be the one.

In fact, Lavi even knew what to blame for this. The flower, the same mysterious damned flower that Yu kept in his room all the time. With each falling petal, his physical condition such as the recovering rate wasn't the only thing that diminished. It seemed that it also effected his stability and mind. Or at least Lavi wanted to believe so, to justify Yu of his actions.

::

Lavi was the one who had it worst though, despite being the one who didn't complain. He and Kanda had gotten together a while ago, but back then it all didn't look so...one-sided. No, it wasn't one-sided. Kanda truly had something in him for the redhead; either if it was passion, attraction or something more that would simply black out on certain times leaving only the primitive sense of possessiveness. There certainly was something, and Lavi was thankful at least for that little something that returned his feelings.

He had no idea why he loved Kanda while the samurai was, simply put it, a complete asshole - even to him, at this point. Sometimes however, Kanda didn't seem so estranged. Sometimes, he would even get romantic or surprisingly caring. Sometimes Lavi was as happy with him as happy could be.

And sometimes, when another one of Kanda's anger outbursts would occur, Lavi wondered how on Earth he could have fallen for someone this blindly violent.

But even when he questioned, he never regretted and never thought about turning away. Kanda was like a fire burning down his mind and soul, and he couldn't live without it.

::

Naturally, Bookman was the most displeased with this. And it wasn't only about his disciple's attachments; Kanda had the power to drag Lavi off his work by simply sending him a look, no matter what time it was or how bad Bookman had promised to beat up the redhead if he didn't finish the records in time. Even though most usually those 'side trips' helped Lavi with his focus afterwards, there were times when the redhead would come back completely worn out and fall asleep right on his paperwork, sometimes even ruining it with blood drops if he was beaten up or cut. Then Bookman would have no other choice but to fix him and let him rest, or send him to the infirmary; and the old man hated any kind of delay when work was involved. However, no matter how often he could threat Lavi to disown him, in truth he could never do that; first - because the redhead had a very unique ability, and second - Bookman was already too old to fully train and prepare another heir. So he had to deal with it, scolding and additional kicks being all he could do about the matter.

And so, the time passed by.

::

It was a beautiful spring morning, and Lavi, as usually, came round to Kanda's room before he would head off to the library. He didn't plan anything else than teasing Kanda by coming to greet him, or, if the other was in a good mood today, maybe even get a good-morning kiss.

He surely didn't expect what came after.

Once he closed the door, he was harshly gripped by shoulders by none other than Kanda, who now was looking at the readhead with an expression that was a mix of mischievousness and threatening.

"Hey, Yu," Lavi grinned, slightly unsure of his safety but deciding not to drop his demeanor so quickly.

Kanda didn't reply at first but then seemingly changed his mind. "Hey Rabbit," he whispered with a weird wide smile.

Lavi felt a drop of sweat run down his forehead as he saw that expression. It meant Kanda was out of it right now. What a bad timing. He gulped and tried to talk his way out. Try acting casual.. "So, Yu-chan. What's with the touching, sa? I thought you didn't like it." Actually, the 'touching' was starting to hurt, but Lavi decided it wouldn't be wise to mention it right now.

"Who said that?" Kanda asked sweetly and gripped Lavi's hair, forcing his head back. "Look bastard, you'd better not try anything funny."

Lavi didn't even manage to reply as his mouth was suddenly caught in a kiss. He just winced at his hair being pulled and kissed back as enthusiastically as he could in a situation like this. Next moment, Kanda bit his lip, not breaking the skin but hard enough for it to hurt, and the redhead whimpered silently, trying to relax a bit so Kanda would easen his hold.

Apparently it worked, as Kanda let go of Lavi's hair, now running his fingers through it instead.

Lavi was a bit surprised; did Kanda snap out of it already? He decided to use the opportunity to leave. Not that he didn't want to stay, but mornings were supposed to be for work. He opened his mouth as soon as Kanda broke the kiss.

"I'd love to play with Yu a bit," he said breathlessly, trying to put his signature grin back on, "but I really have to go now. I'll come in the evening, alright?"

Kanda simply looked at him, not moving a hair. It almost seemed like the swordsman didn't breathe, and he looked like a cat that was staring at a mouse before attacking.

Lavi frowned lightly. "Yu," he said seriously and pushed Kanda away, a bit harder than he intended to.

That was a mistake; the swordsman shoved him against a wall with a malicious expression.

"S-sure we can discuss this?" Lavi grinned nervously, trying to make Kanda let go of him, and yelped as the samurai suddenly unsheathed Mugen.

"You may choose whichever you'd rather have," Kanda whispered as the sword's blade swiftly rustled against Lavi's collar, and the redhead paled lightly. "Me up your ass, or Mugen up your throat." Kanda had a sweet smile on, but the sadistic glint in his eyes was present as always.

Lavi felt sweat run down his face. He didn't like it when the sharp blade was this close to his skin, not to mention that Kanda was almost strangling him. "I think I'll go with the first option," he said carefully with the last of his air. Telling Kanda not to be irrational in a moment like this could end much worse than playing according to his rules.

Before, they used to take turns, but it wasn't the case for a while already. However, Kanda haven't resorted to this kind of actions to get to Lavi up until now.

The samurai still had the same weird smirk on when he sheathed Mugen. "Get on the bed," he commanded. Lavi had no other choice but to obey.

::

Lavi was laying on the bed with his eyes closed, his fingers buried in Kanda's hair. "Ah, Yu," the redhead gasped as Kanda's tongue worked on the _rod_ between his legs. Right now he didn't even care about being late; even though he knew Kanda won't be sated by simply giving him a blowjob.

When Kanda took him in again, Lavi couldn't help but let out a moan. Unfortunately, he also tightened his grip on Kanda's hair a bit too much.

Kanda growled deep within his throat as he felt his hair being pulled and bit, this time not exactly gently. Even though his teeth didn't even sink into the skin, it still hurt like hell. Lavi cried out, feeling tears flood his eyes, and let go of Kanda.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he repeated hoarsely, gritting his teeth. "Sorry, Yu, I didn't mean to..." Honestly, Kanda was becoming dangerous. Lavi tried his best to get on his good side as he wasn't at all eager to lose his precious body part. "I'm sorry..."

Apparently that was enough of an apology, as Kanda softened once again, and it didn't take long this time until Lavi cried out in pleasure again and came.

The redhead gasped for breath for a couple of moments and then looked up at Kanda dazedly, raising himself on his elbows. Kanda stared back at him, then suddenly swung his arm backwards and gave Lavi a hard slap on the face, causing him to fall on his back again.

Lavi whined, lifting his hand up to his burning cheek, but Kanda caught his wrist and leaned over him, straddling his legs.

"I'm sorry too," he whispered and kissed the redhead softly, stroking his bruise and trailing fingers down his chest gently.

Lavi didn't even think of complaining about the sudden change and gladly accepted it, even when his pants were pulled further down by Kanda, and when his legs were positioned on the black-hair's shoulders.

::

When the Bookman saw Lavi limp into the library in a complete mess - both clothes and hair - and with a bruise on half of his face, he simply sighed and shook his head sadly.

"You're late."

Lavi finally reached the couch and carefully sat on it. "I'm sorry, Panda," he mumbled, causing the Bookman to huff in irritation.

The old man walked to his apprentice and dumped a pile of papers onto his head. "Think about what you're doing, moron," he snarled and walked off to his own table.

Lavi just lowered his head, avoiding to meet the old man's eyes.

::

About a week had passed, and Lavi managed to forget the rough treatment he had received. First, because the next day Kanda was back to himself and repaid the redhead for the previous morning in a really caring and gentle way. And second, because the grumpy samurai was sent off on a mission the day after and came back only yesterday, being too tired for anything except sleeping next to Lavi.

It was afternoon, and the redhead walked towards the cafeteria to get something to eat - he had been working his ass off since breakfast, as the old man apparently finally decided to demonstrate his displease by burying his apprentice under mountains of paperwork. Naturally, Lavi didn't finish it; and if he didn't want to get in trouble, he would have to work this whole day and through the night.

He sighed, imagining the rest of slavery he'll have to go through today, and slowly continued down the hallway.

"Lavi," he heard a breath from behind and nearly jumped. He turned and saw Kanda standing next to him. Just when did he get there? Lavi didn't hear a thing.

"Whaddaya want, Yu-chan?" he asked, a bit irritated, but his grin was in its place.

Kanda's blank but slightly pleased expression disappeared immediately. "I said don't call me that," he growled, drawing his sword and pointing it at the redhead.

"And what are ya gonna do?" Lavi really was feeling too tired to worry about his health for the moment or to try joking his way out. "Bark at me and walk away? Ya know, I'm kinda used to that after all those years I've known you."

Kanda's eyes narrowed and he pressed the tip of the sword against Lavi's collar bone. He was never one to hesitate in carrying out his threats.

The redhead continued staring at him. "Ya know, if ya kill me now, you'll end up lonely. No one's crazy enough to fuck with a guy like you, like I am." He snickered with amusement, though a little hollowly.

Kanda snarled. "That's none of your concern, moron." The blade only barely broke the skin as he moved, but some blood had already shown.

Lavi ignored the shallow cut. "That makes us _both_ crazy, doesn't it?" he drawled, referring to the fact that Kanda just drew blood from him in the middle of the hallway.

The swordsman looked at him maliciously for a moment, but suddenly his expression changed into a lightly offended one. "Why don't you prove it, while I _haven't_ killed you?" he asked, tilting his head lightly but not lowering his sword. "I might even start to miss you otherwise."

"You _would_ miss me, more than you know." For the first time during this conversation, Lavi seemed like his usual mischievous self and grinned contentedly.

Kanda, however, looked completely serious and ignored his words. He probably decided to just drop the conversation and get to the point. "Come with me now, Rabbit," he said casually.

Lavi's smile faded. Just great, this is just what he needed after all the writing torture in the library. A sex-crazed maniac with a weapon. "I'm busy now, Yu," he said in an unusually flat tone. "Screw off."

A mistake. How come he started repeating those mistakes this often? He was ought to know better... Bad mistake.

Lavi was immediately pressed against the cold wall. If he didn't knew Kanda so well, he would have been surprised that such a slender body had this much strength.

"Is that how it is?" Kanda whispered angrily. "You can't just tell me off, Bookman Junior."

His sword touched Lavi's neck, and the redhead squeezed his eye shut. But this time Kanda didn't cut him; he simply held the sword up while his free hand found its way under Lavi's shirt.

"Yu?" Lavi's bottle-green eye shot open, staring at the swordsman with a bit of surprise. "What are you doing?"

Stupid question.

"Shut the fuck up," Kanda hissed, inches away from the redhead's face. "I don't know _how_ crazy I'd be over you if every single thing you said didn't piss me off."

Lavi blinked. In Kanda's standarts, that was rather close to a love confession. The redhead almost made a wide smile, but it was stopped by the fact that the sword was still pressed to his neck, what could be rather dangerous. He grinned nervously. "Ah, Yu, that's not very nice of ya -"

"Close your damn mouth or I'll open an extra hole up your ass." Kanda's tone clearly said that he meant serious fucking business with that.

Lavi gulped and didn't say anything else, knowing Kanda was someone who usually fulfilled his threats. Just what was he up to? He wasn't seriously going to kill him was he? The redhead thought of calling for help for a moment and looked around, however, the hallway was empty. Everyone was probably eating lunch - it was that time of the day.

A hint of contented expression appeared on Kanda's face as he leaned forward, getting a good grip of Lavi's hair and pulling him into a deep kiss.

Lavi froze for a moment. He really didn't expect this. In the corner of his eye, he saw Kanda sheathing Mugen.

Now was the perfect moment to push Kanda away and go get something to eat. He definitely should do that if he wants to have at least a hope of not getting too attached.. He was supposed to spend his day in the library today. If the old man goes looking for him...

Lavi answered the kiss almost desperately, winding his arms around Kanda's shoulders.

He didn't have it in him to cast him away, even if his ways could be rather torturous sometimes...Bookman Junior had decided long ago that the only reason of this was Kanda's lack of social ability mixed with his calmly aggressive nature. The self-preserved loneliness was slowly breaking his mind, and Lavi was the one who could still save him...he had to try.

Kanda held the kiss until the air ran out, and bit Lavi's lip before pulling away. His bites were never soft, and even less - gentle; they were always sharp and somewhat full of bloodlust. The redhead winced at the pain, but didn't protest. After a short moment, Kanda's soft lips touched the corner of Lavi's and trailed down, then up again, licking off the blood drops. At the same time, his hand slid under Lavi's shirt.

"Y-Yu," Lavi forced out. Now that the initial shock was gone, he was starting to feel somewhat aroused; Kanda's forcefulness always had that effect on him. "T-this _really_ isn't a proper place..."

"Bullshit." Kanda's cold fingers continued dancing over Lavi's warm skin, trailing over old scars and other sensitive places, and the redhead gasped, tightening his grip on Kanda's shoulders. Swordsman's other hand finally let go of the mess of red hair and he kissed down Lavi's neck, holding onto his arm.

Lavi squeezed his eye shut, trying to get a hold of himself. They were in a _hallway_, goddammit - Black Order's most used hallway, that is. They would be so busted if anyone happened to come by - not that there wasn't enough people who were suspecting something already, that is. Still, getting screwed in the middle of the first floor was something even Lavi wouldn't be proud of; especially because similar things had already happen several times, just not on the route from the library to cafeteria.

Kanda took Lavi's silence for an agreement and pulled up the redhead's shirt, lowering his head to continue kissing on Lavi's chest. He was really good at it, and the Bookman Junior was thrown out of his train of thoughts in a wink of an eye.

"Ah," he let out as Kanda's tongue found his nipple, and cursed mentally for encouraging the other further. The next moment he felt his skin being bruised by Kanda's teeth, and had to keep in a whimper.

Kanda seemed more and more self-assured every second; it was almost as obvious as if big, red letters were flashing over his head saying CONTENTED. He continued his teasing, seemingly unaffected by the redhead's reactions, and soon trailed his hand down to Lavi's abdomen.

It was becoming harder and harder to keep silent; and Lavi's fingers mechanically clenched Kanda's arms. The swordsman didn't seem to be planning to stop any time soon, and not long after, the redhead moaned as he felt Kanda's hand sliding into his pants.

"I know how you must feel right now," Kanda whispered heatedly into his ear and kissed his lips, then pulled away again. "Tell me anyway. What do you want from me?"

Lavi licked his lips a bit anxiously, looking up at the cold dark eyes. "You," he said bluntly.

"Then that's what you'll be getting," a mischievous smile curved one corner of Kanda's lips. "Always come to me when you want more, little Rabbit." His fingers had already worked their way into Lavi's underwear. Kanda's free hand kept Lavi pressed against the wall and stopped him from sliding down, while the other mercilessly teased the area between the redhead's legs.

Lavi groaned, tilting his head upwards, and grabbed Kanda's shoulders. He was breathing heavily and felt like he would lose consciousness any moment. "Yu...please.." More than anything, Lavi now wanted to feel more of the swordsman. His body was desperately demanding more touching, more heat, _something _more that would drain away its exctasy. He whimpered as Kanda's caressing became rougher, but he didn't want it to stop.

_...don't stop..._

It almost seemed like the swordsman could read Lavi's thoughts, as the very moment the redhead decided to accept his fate with pleasure, he stopped.

"Then again, you're right. This isn't a proper place," Kanda said in a sweet tone and pulled away. He backed off and eyed Lavi teasingly before turning to go.

"Bastard," Lavi whispered, looking back at him. It wasn't the first time he was left hanging, but usually it didn't come this far before that.

Kanda just send him a hint-of-a-wicked-smile grimace over his shoulder and disappeared behind a corner.

Lavi slid down the wall and slumped on the floor, cursing under his breath. He knew it would end like this, yet he didn't stop Kanda when he could. He didn't know why.

::

The redhead wiped away the salty substance of blood and tears from his face and sighed. He didn't bother to zip his pants, as he knew it would be painful to move for a while if he did.

"Why must you be like that, Yu?" Lavi muttered as he got up, holding onto the wall. "Yu, I love you." He giggled, somewhat unnaturally, at how silly it sounded. "I love Yu."

He will definitely go to Kanda's room tonight, and he will definitely _take_ what belongs to him if the samurai won't give it. If he won't give it to him, he will pay. Lavi won't stop until he breaks and begs...it's worth it, even if in the end, Lavi will be the one who does. At least his sweet revenge will sure provoke Kanda to take it as far as possible, and that's what Lavi wants. Behind closed doors, it always works, and Kanda is all much more agreeable, and always goes to the end...

Screw today's records, there's plenty of other times. As for old man's revenge.. Bookman sure won't look for his apprentice in Kanda's room. Even better. Lavi felt himself grinning. No one will find them until the morning, and he will definitely make the swordsman to end what he started by then.

_Maybe one day he'll manage to teach Yu how to be human._

The redhead stood there dreaming for a while with a slightly unhealthy looking smile on his face, until he finally recalled he needed to fix himself up and made his way to the nearest bathroom.

::

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_**THE END**_

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As you probably already guessed, the title refers not to a simple insanity, but to the madness of loving someone to the point where you don't care what they are and how they treat you anymore, even if it seems unbearable.

Hope you liked it...enjoyed it...and got to know Kanda's dark side. Hehehe... (is dragged away by a pair of sanitars...)

Until next time! ( Bookman!Lavi x Psycho!Kanda coming up! (shot) )


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